The Curse of the Student House

What it is and how to avoid it

A sad truth is the majority of student houses aren’t all happy families. Most of my friends in student houses have at least one housemate they’ve fallen out with, drives them insane, or just isn’t as close as they used to be. My next-door-neighbour in halls this year had to move out of her house early because relationships with her housemates become explosive. My living situation last year consisted of a bipolar nymphomaniac, a quarter-life-crisis dropout, and two girls who hated socialising with new people and washing up but loved getting high and bitching; and ended bitterly in a dispute over a food waste bin and a few unwashed plates. Halls were definitely a better option for third year.

So why is it that so many student houses don’t work out?

1.     You pick your housemates after 3 months of knowing each other

When you fly the nest and touch down in the scary new world of university, you land with no friends. Luckily however, the rest of the first-year population is in your position. So your first port of call is to get hold of some cheap alcohol and head down to the flat kitchen to socialise. 9 times out of 10 you bond over the fact you’re all young, don’t know anyone else and can’t wait to go out and get smashed, and instantly become best friends.

Fast-forward to second year, and those people usually aren’t your best friends anymore. While during fresher’s week your entire floor were inseparable, by the end of the year there will be some friends you stay close with, while others you’ll realise you didn’t have as much in common as you first thought, and you’ll have found friends from your course or a society you really connect with. Trouble is you signed the papers, put a deposit down and sorted the house out all before Christmas.

2.     Living with others is a tricky business

University is a strange place. In the outside world, if you’re living with someone other than your parents or long-term partner, it would be a friend you’ve known a long time and are certain you’re compatible to live with. In the alternative universe of uni, you’re pressured into getting a house sorted with people you’ve known for 3 months.

Anyone who’s ever lived in a student house knows that hanging out with someone or sharing halls is very different to living with them. In halls, the first term especially, there’s camaraderie of all being freshers and getting wasted in this wonderful new place together, and everyone’s in new-friend-making mode. A house together with a small group of those people is a completely different kettle of fish. You share bathrooms, living space and cleaning responsibilities. The honeymoon period is over; true colours come out. You get pissed off. You fall out with each other. You drift apart and get bored of each other. Arguments over rooms and the washing up ensue.

It’s surprising anyone stays friends in a house really. 

So how do you make sure this doesn’t happen to you?

Well there are no sure-fire methods, but these are my top tips of a happy house:

1.       DO make sure you’re 100% happy with your housemates. If there are issues already, living together will make them 100 times worse.

2.       DON’T live with someone you don’t want to live with because you feel sorry for them or feel like you have to. It’s unfair on you and it’s unfair on them- they’ll end up feeling unwanted in their own home.

3.       DO choose a mixed house. As a general rule they work best. Girls’ houses get bitchy. Guys’ houses get messy.

4.       DON’T worry if you’re not in a house with your best friend. Going round their house to visit keeps things fresh.

5.       DON’T live with your girlfriend or boyfriend. This one is self explanatory really.

6.       DO make sure your housemates have good living habits. The wild party girl from across the corridor who never washes up but brings a guy back every night may be great fun on a night out but do you really want to live with her?

7.       DON’T worry about it too much. You can always change houses in third year if it doesn’t work out, and you’ll probably spend most of your time round your friend’s house anyway.

You Don't Need Him

a ray of sunshine in the dark world of breakups...

Breakups are shit. It’s an unavoidable fact of life. There’s nothing worse than having the person you loved/were falling in love with turn around and tell you they are no longer in need of your company, depart into the sunset and happily live their life without you. Or even worse: with someone else.

I recently went through my first proper breakup and consequently feel the need to share my new found wisdom on the subject. After 20 years of nothing but meaningless flings, I finally got into an actual full-blown relationship. (What can I say? I like bad guys) I thought it would last at least until graduation. He acted like we were about to get married. He made me dinner. He bought me clothes.

It lasted 5 weeks. Then he broke up with me.

I spent the next day on-off crying in my room and unable to do anything apart from read “It’s called a breakup because it’s broken”*. I despaired at the thought of spending the night alone. I called a few friends to see if anyone was free to let me stay over to spare myself from that torture. No one was.

The best thing about relationships is having what people refer to as an “other half”. Not saying the single life morphs you into only half a person, but unless you and your guy are long distance, if things are getting serious you’re probably seeing each other most days, stay over at each other’s houses and you’ve got someone at the end of the phone who’s always willing chat or come over. And unless you’re close with your housemates or just have a very, very good friend it’s hard to recapture that level of intimacy.

But anyway, back to the awful prospect of sleeping alone in my heartbroken state… I thought it would be unbearable. In reality, I fell asleep at 10 o clock as a result of having no sleep the night before because I was too busy being dumped; then got up the next day with a clearer head and a sudden glimpse of the end of the heartbreak tunnel. I got on with my life. I worked on my assignments, started planning my gap year and enjoyed some “Alisha time”. A realisation dawned on me: you can be alone without being lonely. You can, to use a really cliché phrase, be your own best friend. And you need to be in order to get through life.

Sometimes I feel sad about my lost love, I miss having someone to cuddle, but then I think back to the time I was feeling the most shit about things, and how I got on with it, and realised that, however much I liked him, I don’t need him. It is possible to live your life and be happy without a boyfriend. In fact, I kind of like the fact that while my sickeningly loved up girlfriends are saving up to move in with their long-term boyfriends, I’m saving up for exciting travels on my gap year.

So for all the ladies out there going through a breakup right now, there’s a point where you’ll experience an epiphany: you can move on. So when you feel upset, think back to how you got to that point all through your own strength of mind. Or if you don’t feel like that just yet, look forward to the day that you will. Because you’re a strong woman with plenty going for you, and you don’t require a shitty excuse for a guy who is incapable of appreciating a good thing when he has one.

Because you don’t need him. You need you.

*This book is amazing, if you don’t already have it, seriously, buy it.